Just Me

     I'm loved.  Truly loved.  I have two men in my life, (ones 6 1/2) who think their world is a better place because I exists.  They smile at my presence, tell me i'm beautiful and smart.  They love me.  Why is it then when I look in the mirror, when I think about myself I can't see what they see?  Why is it when they say all these sweet things I think to myself they are bias because they love me, but I believe the people that don't know me and their insults? (really i'm just the one hurling insults at myself)

I was on face book and I saw this picture of a bigger woman laying on the beach.  It was followed by a quick message about what her child sees when he sees that picture as opposed to what she sees.  She said to post that picture without hiding, with out editing, was freeing, she simply was instead of what she was trying to be.

I figured since this blog is suppose to be about my journey into self discovery that I might as well follow suit.

God help me i'm about to take a breath and jump into the deep end of the pool, or at least that is how this feels........................

 I hate this picture, I see a dumpy mom spending a day with her kid.  Unfashionable, Simple, Dumpy, this photo screams at me all my insecurities.  My son loves this photo.  He sees a day spent with his mom looking at the coolest trucks (I couldn't even take pictures of him with the military trucks cause he was jumping around so much).  He sees a mom who threw on something quickly not caring how she looked so we wouldn't be late.  I see scarred legs, he sees the memories of me running around in the back yard after him.  I see a pot belly, he sees the place he called home for 9 months.  I see a chubby set of cheeks, he sees the smile that lights up my face when hes near.  I see chubby arms, he sees the arms that are always there to hold him.

 I look so dumpy in this picture and that shirt seriously makes me look fat...........but look how happy that little face is to be cuddled in next to his mamma.  He thinks i'm amazing, he thinks i'm funny, he thinks i'm smart, he thinks i'm beautiful, no matter what shape, size, or scars I carry.

6 months pregnant in this one for the record and I love this picture

So here is  what I do know......................My body, as imperfect as it is tells my story.  It may not be the story of a model, or some tiny little Hollywood actress.  It may not be the most fashionable story, nor the prettiest, but its mine.  Its honest, its true and its loved........what more can I ask for?  This is my life and i'm tired of walking through it with my head down because i'm uncomfortable in my skin.

I may not be perfect, I may not look the way I wish I did, but here is what I do know.  I know I am loved for WHO I am, not what i look like, I know that I'm kind, outgoing, at times funny.  I know that what I look like doesn't determine who I am or what I have to offer the world.  I'm a mother who loves her son with every breath she takes.  I know as the years pass my appearance will go with it and what will be left will be these things that make me me.  I know that this is MY life, and I'm not wasting another second on what I wish I was.......I have too much to enjoy with the future!